(stanza 1)
he plays lead guitar but he’s not in a band
bites his lip, and he’s silent when he’s mad
but the way he looks at me always makes me sad
cause i can’t let me be with him like that
(chorus)
i take apart my soul and he shows me the pieces
holds me close and irons out the creases
and those giving eyes just let me stay
and those giving eyes just let me stay
they let me stay the way i am
(stanza 2)
i’ve sobbed in his arms and i’ve kissed his hair
i tell him i’m broken and he doesn’t care
he knows that i’m leaving and i say it’s not fair
how could you love me when i’m too scared
(stanza 3)
turns out time means nothing to him
just days of the week and months of the year
and he said he’d wait as long as it takes
for love to grow forth and to let go of the fear
(chorus)
i take apart my soul and he shows me the pieces
holds me close and irons out the creases
he lets me in to who i am
and those giving eyes let me stay
and those giving eyes let me stay
the let me stay the way i am
(stanza 4)
i told him that we’re the sun and the moon
he said he’s the moon cause i reflect light on him
says i’m the one who makes him shine
cause i fought his darkness to shed light in
(stanza 5)
little by little that fear falls away
lets me loose from the pain i felt
he says that’s life, you gotta know what to do
you gotta know what to do with the cards you’re dealt
(stanza 6)
he pleads me to tell him if my feelings change
if they diminish or grow twice in size
and whenever i doubt his decision to wait
i’m silenced, lost in those giving eyes
(chorus)
i take apart my soul and he shows me the pieces
holds me close and irons out the creases
he lets me in to who i am
and those giving eyes just let me stay
and those giving eyes just let me stay
they let me stay the way i am
Melanie, i like the repetition in the chorus. i think it sounds like it would go well with strum of a guitar or whatever instrument you intend to pair this song along with. i play guitar and i could hear it sounding very much song-like in the lines " and those giving eyes just let me stay. those giving eyes just let me stay"
ReplyDeletei was going to comment upon the lines:
"i told him that we’re the sun and the moon
he said he’s the moon cause i reflect light on him
says i’m the one who makes him shine
cause i fought his darkness to shed light in"
i like these lines. i do find it interesting that you, being the woman, are portrayed as the sun. not wrong, its cool. the reverse of roles is an interesting one. in shakespearean literature, typically the woman was symbolized by the moon, with its veil and golden hue. Thus, the man is the sun, powerful ruler by day. The moon shines only by the reflection of the sun- making the man "superior" as he allows woman to glow.
that always seemed to trip me up. but it is interesting none the less that you chose to distinguish the sexes differently. i like it. good job
margaret fleming
Thank you so much for such an interesting insight, especially the Shakespeare reference- I've never thought of it that way before. And I'm really glad it sounds like it could be sung! As I write song lyrics I try to pair a melody with the words (which helps with knowing how many syllables to include in each line).
ReplyDeleteThanks again!
Hi Melanie, I really liked your poems. I have only the faintest ideas about -Moulin Rouge-, having not seen the film, so that poem worked less with me. but I liked how you used the voice and how you structurally set up the poem. Both were well done. I liked the sunflower poem the same way. The poem itself so stark and clean structurally imitates tall sunflowers reaching upwards. I would exchange the word "ground," though, with the word "earth," which has greater connotative qualities. I liked the goal poem best, which I thought again was structurally well done and which I thought had a nice metaphorical quality. I thought the song was well done too. I look forward to our discussion in class. dw
ReplyDelete